 |
| PROLOGUE: Twice came, twice never be the same. |
The island of lions. Doesn't matter how did the animals native to Africa and India stuck up there. Good and hardworking people. Always have something new downtown. But unfortunately city life is not for me. Give me wilderness and historical complex anytime, and I shall be enthralled to no end. Not hip city/urban attractions.
Dynamic. Energetic. Lively. The city I once knew a girl. The reason I went there -twice.
It was back then in 2004 and 2006. Although the visits were brief, interestingly quirky incidences already befell on me. Here are the chronicles of Narnia Pak Ali:
Scenario 1 - Saved by the Savior
I was exploring along the Orchard Road to find one particular bus station and got lost. Fortunately a young lady approached and offered her aid to show me the way. Turned out she was kinda Christian missionary with black-white outfit and Holy Bible in hand. As we reached our destination, I thanked for her kind and much-needed help.
Lady: Oh, do not thank me. Do thank to Our Lord Jesus. He brought you to me to show you the correct path. Now let's pray to Him.
Pak Ali: Indeed I will, I also wish to pray to Him too! (lifting my hands like regular Muslim prayer position).
Lady: Why you did like that ahh?
Pak Ali: Miss, we Islam also believe in Jesus as one of his prophets.
Lady: No, no. Jesus is the God.
Pak Ali: Thank you for your help Lady. And I think God wants me to make haste now.
She was a bit persuasive. Yet I respected her for her deed that day. I bet that I felt an angel's touch on my face before we parted...
Scenario 2 - Cursed by the Kiasu
Ha, now comes the interesting moment. I was roaming the island, taking pictures when suddenly I was approached by an old, scruffy-looking lady:
Lady: Sir, please give me some money. I need some money to go home.
Pak Ali: Are you sure you need one? This is a small island. You can always walk.
Lady: Sir, I worked hard, still not enough money... Sir, please help...
Pak Ali: (in Malay) Yikes, it is almost 3 pm.
Lady: Are you Malaysian?
Pak Ali: Yes, why madam?
Lady: GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO! THIS IS SINGAPORE! YOU MALAYSIAN GO AWAY!
I played with her for a while by offering SGD 50, 100 and 200. Fortunately she refused out of her pride for Singapore not to accept anything from Malaysia. As a history geek, I know too well the residue of pathetically sad sentiment still pervading these two countries. I did not blame her. I blamed myself for not offering SGD 500 instead!
Scenario 3 - Deconstructed by the Driver
After the kiasu incident, I decided to use my Arabic look to go undercover. I took one of the Mercedes taxis sprawling the Singaporean roads. The driver, and old chap, was friendly, maybe because of my impeccable disguise as an Arabian tourist.
Driver: So where you from?
Pak Ali: (with thick Arabic accent) UAE. Arab Emirates. You know the country?
Driver: Waa, rich country! I pick up some Arab here and there. Many Arab come here to do business. So you here for business?
Pak Ali: I'm here for pleasure. Come here to see your rich country.You all must be lucky that your country is very rich with good port, good food and good Mr. Lee!
Driver: Ha ha, thank you friend. You heard we are rich. But we have to pay many this and that. Old people like me still have to work. This (he took out a thick wad of money) is not for me.
Well, that's kinda result you get if you're living in a highly capitalist and materialistic world. I'm glad I've got no knack for things superficial. My honorable Orang Asli ancestors had taught me pretty darn well.
Scenario 4 - Silenced by the Student
This happened during my second visit with Haris. In an MRT train, I sat beside a cute-looking girl. She was reading her self-made notes and a quick glance revealed she was a university student. She was totally wrapped in her study that she failed to notice me taking interest on her. From her super-packed and tiny handwriting notes, I knew just where she was studying:
Pak Ali: Such a diligent girl. NUS (National University of Singapore)?
Girl: (nod)
Pak Ali: Your writings are all over the notes. You must be studying all night!
Girl: (smile, nod)
Pak Ali: Your exam is around the corner?
Girl: (nod)
Pak Ali: That note. Physics is indeed hard. All the best then!
Girl: (smile, nod)
Pak Ali: (silent)
Girl: (silent)
Pak Ali: Aite, take care k.
Girl: (smile, nod).
Lesson: Use open-ended question to approach any girl.
Scenario 5 - Interrogated by the Immigration Officers
Scenario 1 - Saved by the Savior
I was exploring along the Orchard Road to find one particular bus station and got lost. Fortunately a young lady approached and offered her aid to show me the way. Turned out she was kinda Christian missionary with black-white outfit and Holy Bible in hand. As we reached our destination, I thanked for her kind and much-needed help.
Lady: Oh, do not thank me. Do thank to Our Lord Jesus. He brought you to me to show you the correct path. Now let's pray to Him.
Pak Ali: Indeed I will, I also wish to pray to Him too! (lifting my hands like regular Muslim prayer position).
Lady: Why you did like that ahh?
Pak Ali: Miss, we Islam also believe in Jesus as one of his prophets.
Lady: No, no. Jesus is the God.
Pak Ali: Thank you for your help Lady. And I think God wants me to make haste now.
She was a bit persuasive. Yet I respected her for her deed that day. I bet that I felt an angel's touch on my face before we parted...
Scenario 2 - Cursed by the Kiasu
Ha, now comes the interesting moment. I was roaming the island, taking pictures when suddenly I was approached by an old, scruffy-looking lady:
Lady: Sir, please give me some money. I need some money to go home.
Pak Ali: Are you sure you need one? This is a small island. You can always walk.
Lady: Sir, I worked hard, still not enough money... Sir, please help...
Pak Ali: (in Malay) Yikes, it is almost 3 pm.
Lady: Are you Malaysian?
Pak Ali: Yes, why madam?
Lady: GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO! THIS IS SINGAPORE! YOU MALAYSIAN GO AWAY!
I played with her for a while by offering SGD 50, 100 and 200. Fortunately she refused out of her pride for Singapore not to accept anything from Malaysia. As a history geek, I know too well the residue of pathetically sad sentiment still pervading these two countries. I did not blame her. I blamed myself for not offering SGD 500 instead!
Scenario 3 - Deconstructed by the Driver
After the kiasu incident, I decided to use my Arabic look to go undercover. I took one of the Mercedes taxis sprawling the Singaporean roads. The driver, and old chap, was friendly, maybe because of my impeccable disguise as an Arabian tourist.
Driver: So where you from?
Pak Ali: (with thick Arabic accent) UAE. Arab Emirates. You know the country?
Driver: Waa, rich country! I pick up some Arab here and there. Many Arab come here to do business. So you here for business?
Pak Ali: I'm here for pleasure. Come here to see your rich country.You all must be lucky that your country is very rich with good port, good food and good Mr. Lee!
Driver: Ha ha, thank you friend. You heard we are rich. But we have to pay many this and that. Old people like me still have to work. This (he took out a thick wad of money) is not for me.
Well, that's kinda result you get if you're living in a highly capitalist and materialistic world. I'm glad I've got no knack for things superficial. My honorable Orang Asli ancestors had taught me pretty darn well.
Scenario 4 - Silenced by the Student
This happened during my second visit with Haris. In an MRT train, I sat beside a cute-looking girl. She was reading her self-made notes and a quick glance revealed she was a university student. She was totally wrapped in her study that she failed to notice me taking interest on her. From her super-packed and tiny handwriting notes, I knew just where she was studying:
Pak Ali: Such a diligent girl. NUS (National University of Singapore)?
Girl: (nod)
Pak Ali: Your writings are all over the notes. You must be studying all night!
Girl: (smile, nod)
Pak Ali: Your exam is around the corner?
Girl: (nod)
Pak Ali: That note. Physics is indeed hard. All the best then!
Girl: (smile, nod)
Pak Ali: (silent)
Girl: (silent)
Pak Ali: Aite, take care k.
Girl: (smile, nod).
Lesson: Use open-ended question to approach any girl.
Scenario 5 - Interrogated by the Immigration Officers
Here is another interesting point of my travel to the island. At the Singapore checkpoint station, I was taken by the authority to be questioned. I realized it was post 9/11. Coupled with my Arabic look made solid by my Arabic slang, this going undercover had just gone way too much! Yet, I ready for anything the Singapore govies had stored for me in that austere interrogation room:
Officer: Why do you come here in Singapore?
Pak Ali: Oh you have such a beautiful country. I'm here as tourist wanna see the sizzling Sentosa Island, awesome Orchard Road, great Geylang Street!
Officer: Do you have anyone to contact here in this state?
Pak Ali: I had a girlfriend here one. Hot as hell. You should meet her. But she dumped me for good. Now I don't know how to contact her but if by any chance I meet her, I'll let you know ASAP.
Officer: Do you have any reason to be here?
Pak Ali: Oh yes, I wanna experience again the Singaporean hospitality. You're country is so good. Many new things to explore. Many things to buy. Cheaper electronic goods. Friendly people. Save and clean city. I'm glad to be here.
Officer: OK, OK off you go.
Pak Ali: Thank you officer. You did your job well.
I heard stories of Malaysians stuck in Australian and New Zealand airports for deemed highly suspicious by the securities. These people of authority mean business. First world attitude. Cool words are required to ease their strict demeanor.
Singapore is no exception. I definitely have got no idea that I would be suspected. I was baffled. Who or what was the real culprit?
Noordin M. Top. No wonder.
RESPECTO.